Beloved Reader
A student asked Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron how to handle living with a terrible feeling of regret and the associated sadness she feels. Here is how her teacher answered:
"Sad is good. Let sadness be a connector for you with humanity. Let sadness connect you with life. Life has sadness and life has joy … life has hard times and life has beautiful times. It's a complete picture, and you can't live a human life without all those aspects being a part of it. It is some kind of myth that you could avoid all the painful parts and just have the pleasant parts. That's definitely never going to happen. Everybody tries and it never happens. They keep trying anyway. So the fact that it hurts and you feel sad, think of that as actually good. Think of that as growth, that sometimes that is what growth feels like."
I have been quite taken by this quote, which arrived in my email box the other day. It is completely in synch with something that is coming up for me as this new calendar year swings into being. It appears that it is time for me to embrace my shadow.
What is this shadow? It contains all the difficult emotions, like sadness. It also includes shame, rage, fear, vulnerability. (Feel free to substitute any difficult emotion for “sadness” in the quote above. They all work.) These are all the things that I like to avoid, because…. well, they are painful. They make me squirm.
They are painful because they are “un-ladylike”, messy, chaotic, difficult, threatening, uncomfortable. They are painful because the world is full of so much suffering right now, that it is often easier to look away.
It is also painful, because these emotions and states feel like failure… haven’t I risen above this? And in this way, my reaction to challenging emotions results in a cascade of self-blame and disappointment. So much judgment! No wonder my habituated response favours avoidance. And this downward spiral lands in a heap of heaviness and standstill…. And I’m stuck.
I am a Light-Worker, a healer. I support others to find the hope and energy to move forward, and to grow into the best version of themselves. I'm good at it. I work on this every day for myself too. I am no stranger to depression, trauma, and disempowerment in my own life. I know that focusing on the Light alone has sometimes been the only way I could make it through the day…. I do love and value Light. But there is always room for growth. Now it's time to expand my awareness once again.
I find myself at a point where I feel secure enough to begin the journey to make friends with these difficult places. To face and accept them without flinching, and without the extra baggage of shame. Shadows are part of my life, after all. My whole life, not just the parts that are cherry-picked. Darkness and Light belong to us all.
Everything is energy. That includes the pleasurable AND the painful. Chasing one, and avoiding the other, breeds attachment. This in turn causes suffering, and it chokes the flow of life.
So here I am, taking baby steps to accept the dark places within me… and to relax with my humanness, all of it … a work in progress.
If you would like to listen to the podcast that inspired this newsletter, please tune in here.
Here's to 2020, the year of clear vision.
May we all love what is.
May we all rejoice in our full natures.
Blessings!
~ Karusia Nirmala
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