Thank you for tuning in to my offerings. I feel so much love in my heart thinking of you as I write these words. I feel blessed by you. I feel blessed by this one beautiful and crazy life! (Although I confess that I sometimes feel as though I’ve been doing it all wrong and have failed miserably.... do you ever feel this way? Still, I carry on to the best of my ability.)
From as early as I can remember, I could feel the magnetic pull of certain things drawing me forward. Like the proverbial fairy-tale breadcrumbs that mark a path, something would light me up inside to lead the way. It would wake me up, inspire me, heighten my senses, and give me the passion to take off in this new direction. These signs have always been unmistakeable and irresistible, and there was never a speck of doubt in these transformative moments. There was only YES, YES! Some of these moments for me came when I witnessed modern dance for the first time as a teenager, and when I experienced energy healing and qigong directly for the first times. The spark was immediate, and the inner imperative was direct: “ I need this.” Followed by: “Where do I learn how to do this?” And as I continued to move along this path, things fell into place. It was meant to be.
As I reflect back, all of these moments revealed medicine paths for me. And they continue to be methods of deep healing and transformation for me. Where did that impulse come from? What was it inside that knew?
I can’t really answer those questions, it’s too mysterious. And I sense that it is too precious to dig at. I prefer to see it as grace. I named this process “shaktiflow” for myself, to reflect this organic way of following the clear impulse of energy (Shakti or power) when she called to me. I also learned that there would be times without clear signals.... I used to get anxious in those dry periods, and would try to hurry up the next chapter... and, as you may have guessed, that didn’t work! There’s a saying that sums this up: “You can’t push the river, it flows by itself.”
I’ve had to learn patience, and respect for the bigger picture of divine timing. Forcing an issue or trying to bend events to my will, did not work out well. I’ve learned to stay open and available for the energy- through deep listening, and also through daily preparation. This is where practices like yoga, QiGong and breathwork really shine; they purify me, and help me to cultivate clarity. And they keep open the doors for synchronicity to land, and to lead.
These days I feel a call to learn how to Rest Deeply, and this is my current focus, and personal theme for 2019. I have been experiencing quite a bit of insomnia on and off lately, which leaves me puzzled and often depleted. I’ve checked all the obvious possible causes, and am working with those. In addition, I am always curious about the deeper underlying meaning of any condition, and about deciphering any messages that the psyche is sending via the body. I’ve come to see that I hold deep-rooted anxiety inside me. (I was about to write that I experience this despite all my experiences in yoga, but the truth is that these practices have led me to this revelation.) Self-Realization is like an ongoing archaeological excavation. And there is an ancestral component to this; my immediate family suffered displacement and severe trauma due to WW2. They were courageous and successful in their new lives in Canada, and yet were unable to heal on emotional and neurological levels. Unresolved suffering kept simmering deep below the surface. I see that PTSD can be passed down through the family line via vibration and belief. Hypervigiliance and fear for survival can unconsciously be taught, and learned. I know, because I am part of this chain of events.
The good news, however, is that all energy can be transformed into another state. It is never truly locked in to any one form, even when it feels like it is. It takes some education, some elbow grease, and a lot of faith... but shift can happen. Synchronicity always brings an antidote when the affliction is revealed. Here is where I feel such gratitude and wonder for the transformative powers of yoga practices. In my case, the grace of Shakti is leading me to new resources for yoga nidra, aka “sleep of the yogis”. I have been engaged with yoga nidra for some decades, but right now I am called to go much, much deeper. The physical relaxation that comes is one gift, but the psychic and cellular releases made possible are the real jewels.
I personally like to test things with daily practice continued over an extended period of time. Currently, I’m one month in to my heightened personal daily yoga nidra practice. I am feeling the healing momentum start to build, and I’ll give you an update in next month’s newsletter. In the meantime, if you’d like to experience a live yoga nidra, I offer weekly sessions every Thursday evening in Kensington Market, and you can see the details below under “Public Classes”.
I send you love, light, and heartfelt appreciation. May you too rest deeply, and well.
~ Karusia Nirmala